Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
