there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
