Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How does one acquire holy water?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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