: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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