Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
