You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
