Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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