Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
