can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
