so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
