Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just gift wrapped bread.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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