i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
