i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
