A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize