I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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