She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
