one two three fourrrrnication!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My ass is underappreciated
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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