it was like his penis was on wheels.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
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