but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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