We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dick very happy bro
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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