nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
