textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
smell my finger.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
