I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dick very happy bro
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
