you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
