I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
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