So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
