I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
