Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
