WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
