No more Irish car bombs ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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