i would punch a child for taco bell
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
