I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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