Is it normal to miss your booty call?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
