by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize