well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
