then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
