dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
