i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
