He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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