I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
