He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
