Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
