I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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