And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
