He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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