I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
