that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
