I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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