Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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