The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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