Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think I won the penis lottery.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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