what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
