Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
