If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
