Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
