I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize