I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
