he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
