Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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