I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
