Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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