Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize