He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
