The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize