he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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