I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
