Sacagawea was the original milf.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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