He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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