you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
