I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's never too late to be topless.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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