first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
