Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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