Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
