there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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