Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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