I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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