that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You made out with two different species that night
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
