oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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