did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
