I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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