I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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