Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
