reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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