you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
