i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
