Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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