Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
