Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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