just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we made out on top of his cat.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
