I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
