it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
