is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
