Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
