My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
