Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
