Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize