U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he wants to bone in the snuggie
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
