HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
