dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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