You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
