fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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