im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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