Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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