Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
