Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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